Alone
A year ago, I was asked by a fairly new friend if I could attend an upcoming social event. I replied I’d have to first check my calendar. “You are always busy, perhaps too busy. You should consider cutting back your involvement in all these things you do. You need to take care of yourself and slow down. At our age (both in our seventies) we should be concerned about finding ourselves being alone.”
I’m sure my new friend said this with the best of intentions, expressing concern that I was burying myself in activities rather than developing a relationship, dating if you will, that would in turn lead to marriage so that I would not find myself alone.”
What immediately popped into my head was this: “Alone?”…
In my defense I replied, “Alone? I haven’t been alone since I was 3 ½. I’m never alone. The Lord is ALWAYS with me. He says He’ll never leave me. Now, if that is true, and I believe it to be true, then how could I possible be alone?” I continued: “Sure there are times, but not often, that I feel lonely, but that is quickly resolved by simply calling a friend or family member to chat or meet up for a quick dinner or a glass of wine.” Proclamation stated! Eyes rolled, smiles exchanged, and we remain friends.
The word ”Alone” kept playing back in my mind. The word would appear in devotionals, during conversations with other widows at luncheons. Worse yet was my “pat answer”; while totally true, it also haunted me. What if someone didn’t know the Lord or have the courage to reach out for help as to how to overcome loneliness?
One Sunday at church during the prayer time I asked the Lord: “What am I missing? What is it you are trying to tell me? What would you have me do?” The answer struck – It came through a flash back from fifteen years prior – losing a dear, close friend who died six months after her husband. The ultimate cause of death: a broken heart filled with loneliness.
Because of that death I started Widow’s Talk, working with widows on an individual basis. In doing so the the answer became crystal clear – I was to reach out to widows everywhere, sharing what I’ve experienced and encouraging other widows to share their stories as well. Together by sharing and caring we could help to open the door to possibilities and enable widows to move forward to a rewarding life that awaits.
After the loss of a loved one, widows especially (divorcees as well) can find themselves feeling lost; uncertain of their future, how to move forward; alone in their thoughts and feelings;all of which can generate the destructive power of loneliness. If unaddressed such loneliness can take hold, snuffing out what is left of their life leaving them depressed, unsure, and certainly lonely.
A favorite story came from sweet Jean. She without doubt believed that she would someday be with her beloved husband. The subject of how to handle that empty feeling of loneliness came up during a coffee chat. She explained that when clearing out her husband’s clothes she kept a sweatshirt. I felt safe: I felt comforted and could remember happy times,m loving memories of our life together.” Other widows have shared that when they would go to a favorite place, or prepare a favorite dish, they too could find comfort, peace and a reassurance.
For me personally, journaling became my answer. It was a safe place, it was personal, it was private; a place where I could leave my feelings, frustrations, and fears and then later sort out the actual facts of the situation, giving me a realistic starting place for taking an inventory who I was, what I wanted, what I feared, and how I thought others saw me.
What actually brought the most comfort was remembering happy, fond times along with stories of times that were challenging and how we worked through them making our relationship stronger. Reflecting on prior victories was healing, giving me courage to work through what I was facing as a widow. I find when standing back, that buried within the pages of a story is God’s hand, His life lessons for all of us.
What I know to be true: the cup is half full or half empty. It’s a choice. Your choice!
