The Beginning

I am often asked this question: “Why and how did you start Widows Talk?”

The why came, in part, when I was serving on my church board at the time of my husbands’ death. I became the go-to person for widows and their families as they planned a funeral for their loved one. Most of them were totally unprepared for the emotional and financial aspect of planning a funeral. Top it off with the idea of a future that required them to move forward with their lives in the absence of their life partner became overwhelming to many.

Everyone handles loss in their own way. We end up at varying crossroads. After my husband’s death I felt pulled in many different directions. I still had a family to care for. My mother was suffering from Alzheimer’s. There was still a business to run, properties to manage, commitments to keep. Now I was faced with a new normal. Who am I and where am I going, and what the heck do I do with the rest of my life became a mantra I asked myself and the Lord daily.

As my heart began to slowly wake up to a different life, I also became aware that several months had passed. The obligatory dinners with our couples’ friends had dwindled into virtually non-existence. I felt hurt and abandoned, wondering how the people my husband and I were so close to could suddenly evaporate from my life. I was no longer part of the Couples Club. I did not realize at the time that this is a common situation for widows,

oftentimes leading to depression, anger, and uncertainty and eventually a shutdown of sorts. Days become weeks: weeks become months; and in the most severe; months can turn into a year. Single life becomes a puzzle with a few pieces missing.

Fortunately, I was blessed with a wonderful church family. I had faithful friends and colleagues who let me lean on them during this uncertain time. My beloved staff and my family rounded out my support group, making the transition from wife to widow easier to navigate.

My pastor, a loving friend, became my ‘voice of reason’. He helped me find strength to move forward. He believed and stated: “You have many diverse talents, multi-fasted like a priceless jewel – You are God’s masterpiece.” It was such a kind, comforting and encouraging thing to say to me at the time. By the way we are All God’s masterpiece. He further advised me to keep moving forward, pursuing, and exploring the things that appeared on my path. I had the freedom to try them but also to discard what didn’t bring happiness to the future. The how to move forward became the recipe for Widows Talk.

During this time, I also continued to journal. I took inventory of my feelings and thoughts and wrote them down. This helped to separate feelings, from fantasy and produce clarity where actual events occurred. Isn’t it amazing the things our minds can conjure up and the way they influence our thought process. Painful memories can sneak in and steal our joy. I learned that forgiveness was key. But more importantly, forgetting was a key component to healing. No one can truly ‘forgive’ if they are unwilling to ‘forget’.

I was blessed to have three wonderful friends who helped pave the way to Widows Talk to whom I have dedicated this book.

My husband and I shared a passion for entertaining our family and friends. He cooked! I entertained! We were the perfect team. Now, how was I to continue without him? I was reminded of my pastor’s blessing and his encouragement to “sing a new song!” then “Just do it,” he said…so I did! I focused on what “I” did best, which was to entertain. I didn’t worry about the food part. Silly me! I didn’t need to COOK! I ORDERED IT! PERFECT!!!

I began hosting monthly luncheons and dinners for widows. My favorite thing was visualizing a theme for the table then creating a dining experience that would evoke beautiful memories for us all. Let me be clear it also provided a distraction from the ‘food issue’ and gave me peace and joy in providing a festive event for the dear women with which I shared a common bond.

We ladies had many enjoyable conversations, sitting around the table remembering our travels to far-off places and, our special holiday celebrations. As we talked and talked and talked, we moved into the new life we were meant to live and essentially to love. We were Moving Forward.

However, there was one friend who had a hard time. She simply could not find her way towards hope, a future, and her purpose in life. She began to withdraw from our group and slowly faded away. I found my heart breaking for her. If she was lost, how many more were following in her footsteps.

Six months after her husband passed, my friend followed.

Those of us who remained continued to “Talk the Talk” and “Walk the Walk”. We bolstered each other up through sharing and caring and together we pushed through our pain and found purpose in our lives again.

I thought to myself there must be a way to reach others who are hurting and seeking a new path to follow. I was led to reread:

It became perfectly clear that my work is “Widows Talk.”