Try New Things

Nearly a year had gone by since my loved one died. I assure you; it takes at least that amount of time just to process all that is involved getting your estate in order legally, socially, etc. Then it started: friends felt that I should “Move On” with my life and should start dating. From the very beginning I was disturbed by the words “Move On”. I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I realized that they were concerned, caring and now they were always trying to match me up with someone. However, I had no interest in dating.

Perhaps they were right. I did need to make some changes and my pastor had suggested that I try “new things” and if I didn’t find it fun and enjoyable then disregard it and try something else. “Okay then,” I said to myself.

Realizing that returning full time to my company with its heavy travel schedule had NO appeal to me whatsoever, and knowing the one thing I was sure of: “You can’t go back” I sold my company. Now that I had eliminated that option what would I like to do?

First thing I joined was a social club and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting up with friends for lunch and dinners, and concerts. However, it soon became apparent that the “Couples Club” was for holiday balls and other such parties, and since I was not dating anyone at the time that settled that. It was a delightful place, and I remained a member for several years, mostly for dinning purposes.

Secondly: I took up golf. For thirty years my business kept me hermetically sealed in office buildings, airplanes, and hotels. The thought of being outside and in the fresh air appealed to me. Golf was something I had always wanted to learn but didn’t feel I could spare the time. Clubs were sized and ordered, the proper wardrobe purchased, and a golf-pro was selected – I was ready. Determined to conquer this sport, three lessons a week was scheduled. The other four days I would practice my newly acquired skills at the driving range and putting green.

Third thing that was presented was ballroom dancing. There was a studio nearby so my thought: “Well why not; I love to dance, and it would be a great workout,” Unbeknownst to me, it seemed my friends had become aware that doctors and nurses came there as well, and wouldn’t that be a great way for me to meet some handsome doctor. A great concept for certain, but that would have defeated the purpose. I like to dance; it was great exercise and a way of expressing my inner feelings.

While a compliment, my coach and the owner of the studio wanted me to compete. This brought flashbacks. As a small child I would hide, knowing people were coming to our home and a singing performance would be requested. A bit misguided I’m sure, but at the time I always felt that what was important to my parents was what I could “do” not who I “was” or who I was becoming as a person.

An interesting side note and something that I have discovered when working with widows… As Wife many had become a shadow of their husbands and tey found it difficult to step out into life on their own as a Widow.

While boldly moving forward with the social club, golf, and ballroom dancing, along came the craziest idea. Four longtime friends and colleagues, rented a four-bedroom, four bath home for six months during the winter months on “Little Balboa”. I assure you I could, and perhaps will someday write another book on that adventure. What an experience. We had so much fun. At times it was like a Sorority House for sixty-year-olds as we loaned each other clothes and jewelry, remarking “Oh NO NOT THAT! or Yes, Perfect! We cheered each other on. It was delightful indeed. There were three introverts and one extrovert with an extraordinary energy level requiring little sleep (that would be me). The standing joke was “Okay, who’s assigned to entertain Minnie today?” It was amazing how close we became during our six months on Balboa Island. and I cherish those memories.

This was my Wife to Widow stage in which I definitely learned how to try new things; and in doing so I become confident as a widow, exploring a whole new world of “What’s Next?”