But I Don’t Want To Go

BUT I DON’T WANT TO GO! The words my husband spoke out loud enough to awaken me from a sound sleep in the middle of the night. I sit up in bed, asking him where he didn’t want to go. No reply, he simply mumbled something, turned, and went back to sleep.

I, too, went back to sleep after replaying in my mind what had transpired hours before while standing at the kitchen sink, washing up the dinner dishes. I had heard him say to his dog Duke: “Come on old man, this could be our last trip,” as they were carefully going up the stairs, stopping several times to catch their breath and gain strength to continue conquering the few stairs left to climb.

I’m an early riser. My routine: down the stairs to the kitchen, punch the coffee pot on that I had prepared the night before, then go to my studio to quickly check my emails, back down to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, return to my studio just off our bedroom. That morning as I passed by the bed, he was mumbling. I smiled, thinking again, “Wonder where he didn’t want to go?” Setting that thought aside I continued to the studio so I could read my devotionals. I finished my cup of coffee and my devotionals and considered going for another cup when I checked the time. Strange, he should be up and in the shower by now. I know we have an appointment this morning – “ODD” I thought. I reentered our bedroom, thinking he was still asleep. I walked next to his side of the bed so I could wake him. The love of my life for thirty-three years lay there a big grin on his face. He had finished his journey. I still remember that smile. Forever it will be tucked in my heart.

His journey had ended. My journey had just begun from WIFE to WIDOW.